Bringing "The One" to Meet Your Mom
How to successfully introduce your significant other to your mother
By Diana Kirschner, Ph.D.
Special to Yahoo! Personals
Updated: May 22, 2009
Introducing a new partner, who is
potentially "the one", to your mom or other family members is intimidating; you
know it could mean navigating a tricky emotional minefield. These days, you may be attempting to blend
different cultures, ethnicities (and, sometimes, languages) in bringing him or
her into the fold. If things don't go
well, you have a potential meltdown and maybe even a war room situation lurking
ahead. How do you go about introducing your new partner so that it all works
out to a happy beginning? And maybe an
all together happily-ever-after?
Here are six tips that foster a smooth,
warm coming together:
1. Prepare Your Mom: Tell your mom and the rest of
the family all the good news about your partner before they meet: how
great you two are together, how wonderful, generous, or successful he or
she is.

Describe how this person
has helped you in your life.
Describe how this person
has helped you in your life.
2. Prepare Your Partner: Talk about the fun, joy,
and great childhood memories you have of your mom and your family. Encourage your partner to do the same
with you. This will put the two of you into an inclusive attitude, rather
than a mine-vs-yours stance. Then,
you can appreciate both families.
3. Set the Table for Success: Ask your partner to bring your mom's
favorite yellow tulips or another special gift that you know your mom will
appreciate. Right before the first
meeting takes place, come right out and tell your mom how important it is
to you that she help your partner feel welcomed by the family.
4. Keep the Love Fest Going: At the first meeting, keep the
conversation going back and forth in a positive flow. Mention that your partner just completed
a marathon or got that new job. Show off your mom's garden. Keep the focus of attention on positive
things on each side, and your mom and partner will follow suit.
5. Avoid Complaining: This is not a time to complain
to your partner or to your mom! Save that for later, after a good solid bonding has taken place
between them. Actually, stop the
complaining altogether! If problems
arise on either side, handle them with the party concerned. If you complain to mom about your new
partner or vice versa, you risk alienating one or the other or winding up
in the middle of two warring factions.
6. Reduce Negativity: If your mom is already down on your
partner, your job is to help reduce her negative attitude.

Tell your mom that you're committed to
having both closeness with her and your partner's love in your life.
Tell your mom that you're committed to
having both closeness with her and your partner's love in your life. If
your partner is from a different culture, you should also talk about your
partner's heritage in a positive way, emphasizing the things they may have
in common. If your mom responds
with judgments and resistance, say, "Mom,
I know you love me and want the best for me. It would mean a lot if you extended some
of that love and warmth to the person I am bringing." Being firm yet loving with your
mother will ultimately win her over.
These six tips will help you head off
trouble before it begins. You can create
a marvelous start -- having the love of a new partner in your life, plus a supportive
connection with your mom and the rest of your family. Chances are it will work out better than you
expect.
More Diana KirschnerDr. Diana Kirschner's new book, "
Love in 90 Days", is the basis for her upcoming PBS TV special "Finding Your Own True Love." For over 25 years, she has helped thousands of single women find lasting love. Her free etips are available at
www.lovein90days.com.