Dating 101: Reviving Your Relationship
Life as a couple isn't always a walk in the park. Here, dating coach Jackie Black reveals what modern intimacy should offer, common relationship obstacles, and sure-fire ways to stay in love.
By dating expert Jackie Black, Ph.D. for Hitchedmag.com
Photo: iStockphoto.com/digitalskillet
Updated: May 22, 2009
We
have powerful desires to belong and to connect with a special
someone. We demand more intimacy and
insist on supporting each other to live our best "individual" life. At
the same time, we desire co-creating deeply meaningful relationships
that provide:
- Safe havens to be one's most vulnerable self.
- An openness to the most sacred feelings shared with another.
- Connections
defined by joy and hope of a future that will be a lasting testament of
love and commitment.
Individual Needs vs. Partnership NeedsWhat
you seek in a romantic relationship may not always manifest fully when
you transition from being single to being a partner. A big challenge in
committing to another person is the potential loss of personal identity
and giving up personal hopes and dreams. These losses would have been a
virtual certainty in an outdated model of monogamous
relationships.
Not so today:
Contemporary couples are ready to honor their individual needs and
create partnerships that respect their deeper selves; develop skills,
rituals, and practices for deepening emotional, physical, and spiritual
connection with each other.
The Common Problem for CouplesIf
you are in the majority of contemporary committed couples, I'll bet
that you spend more time each week watching TV or commuting to work
than you do alone with your honey.
In
your demanding world filled with multiple responsibilities and
distractions, everything and everyone else seems to be more important
than attending to your most intimate relationship.
I
think you'd agree that to keep that spark in your relationship alive,
you and your beloved must spend quality, eyeball-to-eyeball time
together.
Tips to Reviving Your RelationshipDo
you and your sweetheart carve out quality alone-time together every
week? Do you both take responsibility for it, or does the task fall to
one or the other of you? Do you allow "real" interruptions to get in
the way and spoil your planned time together?
Here are a few simple suggestions to prioritize your partner:
- Meet once a week to look at your schedules and set aside time for each other.
- At
least once a week, plan a date night. Once a month, plan a date day
(that's right, a whole day from morning to evening). Once each quarter,
plan a weekend get-away. Once each year, plan a week away
together.
- Mark your planned time in your
calendar, just like a dentist appointment or an appointment with a
client. Write it in ink! Mark yourself out for a block of
time.
- Take turns planning your dates each week.
- Do the grocery shopping and buy a bouquet of flowers for your partner.
- Write a love note and leave it for your partner to find.
- Take
a break from watching TV and doing laundry or other chores. Go to bed
early and share massages, talk, or cuddle.
- Turn off the TV, turn on the stereo and have a talk.
- Kiss your mate Good Morning and Good Night every day. Just say, "I love you."
Think
back to when you first started
dating. What did you
do? What things did you both enjoy that you no longer make time to do?
Why did you fall in love?
Let your creative juices flow. Let your imagination go wild. Anything goes.
Celebrate yourself and each other. Embrace the moment, and the gift of your love.
Remember, only you can make it happen!
Want to read more articles from Hitched? Check out
hitchedmag.com Most Popular Dating Articles:Dr. Jackie Black, Ph.D., is an internationally recognized relationship educator, author, and coach who works with men and women who are single again, newly married, new parents, divorced, widowed, or in a committed relationship that is challenging. Dr. Jackie's book, "
Meeting Your Match: Cracking the Code to Successful Relationships" is the pre-eminent guide to making a relationship work and navigating the world of dating. Jackie lives in Southern California.
