When my beau took me home for a visit, we arrived at his parents' posh digs while they were supposedly out. The two of us quickly made ourselves excessively comfortable. Minutes after our moment of intimacy, we emerged and... Hello, Mr. and Mrs. Posh. They'd been listening to us the entire time! The lesson: Visits with his mom and dad are for getting to know them -- not your man's sensuality -- better. If you want to save yourself from being as unpopular as I was, read on and learn from every one of these mortifying tales of parental introductions gone wrong.

Says Heather, 29: "I met my boyfriend's parents at a party, and I had a huge zit on my nose. I was so busy worrying about it that I couldn't focus on the conversation. At the end of the night, my boyfriend asked me why I'd been so aloof. If I could relive that day, I'd acknowledge my ginormous pimple with a joke and spend the rest of the time focusing on the people I'd come to be with."

My friend Jill, 40, loves to tell a story about her husband's ex, who sent his parents a very pricey thank-you bouquet after her first dinner at their house. "That poor girl will forever be referred to by my in-laws as The Show-Off," she says -- with just a trace of glee.

"My guy and I were already engaged when I met his mom," says Christine, 26. "She asked if I wanted her engagement ring. But we had already found one that suited me better, so I politely declined. She apparently took this as the ultimate rejection. Our relationship would probably be better today if I'd thanked her, then turned to my fiance and asked, 'What do you think, honey?' She still wouldn't have liked the answer, but it would've been his reply, not mine.

If your favorite T-shirt says ALSO AVAILABLE IN SOBER, pay close attention. To your boyfriend's parents, you are the potential vehicle for grandchildren, and no one likes a drunken mommy. A cautionary tale from Laura, 27: "I was hungover when I met my fiance's parents at brunch, and believe me, there's nothing like purging in a restaurant restroom to shatter a girl's confidence."

It is possible to be unfailingly polite without being unbearably dull. I learned this the first time I talked to a boyfriend's father, who lived a few hours away. "Have you been getting rain all week too?" I said. The poor man's eyes glazed over with boredom. Then it hit me: I was talking to a person, not just "a dad." I looked around for clues to his personality, landing on an old Matchbox car on the desk. "What's the story behind that?" I asked. He beamed. In like Flynn.